Here it is, my journal for today unabridged...peruse at your peril.
September 27, 2022
I just listened to how Moroni went back to the capital of the Nephites and reestablished peace. I think it was interesting how many more people joined his cause that were not out fighting in the field…willing to stand up in their homeland when the threat was more personally imminent. And how it was probably good that they were there?
I am trying to think about what I should learn from this message. Oh! There was a part where they talked about how all the afflictions that they had endured softened some people and hardened others. I think my heart has been hardening. I need to consider this. Also, the account mentions how Teancum had had a hard life, experiencing much affliction, but he was still a fighter. He was outraged at the evil and wrongdoings around him and took action, even giving up his life. Am I still a fighter, I wonder? Regardless, everyone has hard things they are going through and we have a choice to make.
Yesterday was a sweet day. I loved doing things with the kiddos. I love watching Elijah take Penelope out onto the tramp when she beckons him.
I am honestly not excited for Penelope to talk, loving her little bird sounds right now and expressive non-verbal communication. There is something gained and something lost when a baby starts talking, a bitter-sweet moment–literally. I love my baby, even if she does wake me up at 4 am almost on the nose every morning. This morning, I was just giving myself five minutes to fall asleep at 4:17 am (or get up and do something rather than run circles in my brain) when guess who decided she was WIDE awake at 4:20 am???? Yep, Sweet Pea. Ahhhhhh….she was pretty much awake and somehow mindful of the fact that I was going to make a break for it, so when I finally got up at 4:57 am she protested.
Quinn rolled over and snuggled with her, sweet daddy, while I went to the bathroom to just take on the day.
I think my heart is trying to harden to shut out the pain. I don’t get why I feel so much pain. My logical side is warring with my emotional side and thinking this is all G-A-R-B-A-G-E. I mean, is my inner angst really due to losing Isaak almost 20 years ago? My therapist seems to think so. I wonder if it’s just my crazy, unrealistic expectations, demanding perfection from the beautifully imperfect people around me who, like Pahoran in the case of Moroni’s misplaced anger, was fighting his own battle. I just want to get rid of it!!!
F-O-C-U-S. I’ve been trying to pray for wisdom, to see things from God’s perspective, for weeks since the missionaries gave that inspired lesson on wisdom. (Missionaries, never doubt the power of an inspired message, even if you never see the fruits.)
Back to my awesome day: Maia, the creative genius, designed a new FHE chart, which is BEAUTIFUL. She also enjoyed watching Sing II as her reward for her piano practicing, inviting Havala to do it with her. She sang “Could Have Been Me” from Sing II for our family talent show on Monday night and did such a great job! I was going to use the modern phrase “killed it” but I can see that not having the same meaning two weeks down the road and having posterity see it as a mother totally “dissing” her daughter. (Lol…”degrading.”)
Penelope is in the oh,so fun stage of taking off and putting on clothes…conveniently accessible from the piles she is continuously redistributing throughout the house. Unfortunately she took it to a new level yesterday when she came out without her diaper as well!!! Yikes. I remember having to use duct tape with Lily and Liesl at this phase. Hopefully not! Some of the boys needed it to, but I really remember those two! Lily would take off down the street with nothing on but her skin in Kaysville and I still remember us considering if we needed to install deadbolts on all the doors for Liesl in Medina. At least if she wanders and pees around here, I don’t think the guinea fowl nor chickens will look askance.
Speaking of Liesl, last night she tried a new tactic. She wanted me to stay in bed with her until she fell asleep. I wasn’t even considering it because for the 45 minutes I did lay next to her in her bed, she did nothing but climb all over and tell me how stupid I was…or maybe that last part was from earlier in the day or another night; but she was climbing around and being insolent. Well, because she is SOOOOOO cute, I told her, “I am not going to stay here in bed with you but I will say a prayer with you!” Following the pattern initiated by Eli, she asked me, “Could you say a prayer first?” I decided to follow the model of her recent prayers.
“Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for this lovely day.
Thank you for this beautiful day.
Thank you for this wonderful day.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
Heartfelt, I assure you, but maybe a little to the point.
Well, Liesl–rather than do her usual prayer which followed the basic outline I just used–decided it was time to warm up for the day when she might be invited to give a prayer at General Conference.
Either that, or she was setting the record previously established by Xai for the longest prayer ever.
Whichever one it was, the length of her prayer was very impressive. I think she was thinking that somehow by keeping me there longer, she would get her wish of me staying there until she fell asleep.
I think she realized towards the end–despite all the yawning–that she was NOT going to fall asleep while praying. (She hasn’t learned that particular talent from her mother yet.)
Elijah’s was blessedly shorter because a short while into Liesl’s prayer, Penelope had decided that it was time for her mother to play the “dress-up the baby game” and was throwing a screaming fit on the floor the entire time. (That could have also explained to a degree why Liesl wasn’t putting herself to sleep during her prayer.)
NOTE: I never enjoyed dressing up baby dolls when I was a girl, to my knowledge and my mother’s assertation. I did pop the heads off of my friend’s Barbie dolls and was never asked to play Barbie’s with her again.
NOTE #2: Whenever I accidentally leave the “g” off of “putting” as I am typing (which I have done several times this morning), the computer auto-corrects to “putin.” I was intrigued that this might be a word and….nope. It isn’t. It is just the name of the current Russian president. Even in the online Webster dictionary, it just lists it as “Putin, Russian leader.” I think it is interesting that my computer is autocorrecting to that name…the Russians are taking over Grammerly!!!!
Xai is having fun playing the piano and doing quite well. He likes to make up his own songs. He also loves to hold my hand during prayers, which I love. I will hear the pattering of running feet during the prayer and then feel his slim fingers on my hand. He also still is dealing with allergies. Between him and his boogers and Elijah and Liesl and their urine, it is providing nice grounds for sympathy for inherent weaknesses. God truly knows what He is doing!
Yesterday I decided to use up the remaining veggies from a friend and threw them into a stir-fry: eggplant, peppers, broccoli, onions. It was way too salty (I am used to the low-sodium soy sauce and had seasoned with salt as well), but the rice helped balance it out and honestly, it tasted like what you get at the restaurants, which tend toward the salty. Other than that, it was good. I am still trying to provide a variety of foods to improve the gut health of my family, which I read helps to prevent/heal gastrointestinal problems like milk and gluten sensitivities. I’m game! Maybe that’s the secret benefit of egg plant!
Quinn and the kids Maia and older are trying to go to the BYU football game in Virginia on October 22. I am super happy for them! I am also going to try and take the kiddos on a temple trip Friday, October 8…just a drive down and back adventure. Piper was ecstatic at the idea of all that drive time for her driving record! She is doing pretty well, but can be a little like Drew at times (lol, Drew!!). I think I am going to ask Quinn to primarily teach the next ones how to drive because it is NOT getting easier!
Havala did a great job singing and playing the piano at the talent show and is loving her CC class. She is SUPER looking forward to her birthday, a week from tomorrow, too! Oh! Yesterday, she went up to Opama’s to help fold up our tent that was forgotten up there. Apparently, a family of mice decided it would make a nice home because now our nice tent has a lot of mice-gnawed holes in it. Quinn played the “wrath of God” role in this story and crushed the mommy and baby mice as they scattered from the tent when Havala and Quinn tried to roll it up. Havala took it a little hard, but we all agree Quinn’s quick reaction was for the best will all the rodents we have around here. That was a fun Havala story for this week!
Hyrum had a busy day, which was kind of indicative of his life lately: he woke up and went with Quinn to work out at the gym while the girls were in seminary in Athens. He came back, took care of the animals, grabbed a quick breakfast (cinnamon rolls…I’m so nice) and then participated in devotional. He headed out to drive comps for Quinn, came back and got some some schooling in, then headed next door to finish up Opama’s lawn to get it ready for them to be home. He jetted out around 2:30 pm, using the motorcycle to drop Piper off at track practice (where she ran 6 miles and enjoyed it, crazy girl). He headed straight to a fun activity Lance had planned for a bunch of his friends, hiking to Moonbridge (or something like that). When he arrived home around 6:30 pm, he immediately crashed on the couch, where he slept all night.
As for Piper, she loves the challenge CC is providing. It is a good fit for her this year. Here is a paper of hers that is worth putting directly in my journal (that “putin” autocorrect happened again!!!!). It has real symbolic meaning, not to mention just being incredibly well written.
Contentment
Christian stumbled to the ground; the rocks biting into his side. Glaring down at him, as though he had committed some unforgivable deed, was the sun in all her glory. Christian cast his eyes about the sprawling landscape, searching for a source of relief in the thick heat. The absence of any other life form was undeniable, testifying of the ferocity of the elements. The terrain was an inky black, a sharp contrast to the sun’s blinding robes. It was as though the night sky had fallen to the ground, and left the day to rule the heavens.
Knowing that to stay here would prove fatal, Christian staggered to his feet, moving toward the ever-distant destination. His burden seemed to grow larger with every step away from home, but he went on. It wasn’t long before Christian fell into a trance of pain. His throat was parched, his feet were bloody, and his eyes were stinging with sweat. All he could think of was the heat that consumed his entire body. Water was now only a shadow from the past.
“Howdy there, young man.”
A strange voice jerked him sharply from his unpleasant revere. The figure before him was seated on a white horse and had an outlandish hat on his head. The person dismounted and walked up to Christian, sticking out a calloused hand. Now that he was closer, Christian could make out more of the man’s features. The man had a scar that he wore pleasantly on his brow and an absurd smile that was out of place in its infernal surroundings. On his feet, he wore boots that seemed to skip despite the black earth around them.
“Na’ tell me why yahou’ face is so blue in this heres pleasant valley.”
Christian felt no need to respond, seeing as the answer was branded on everything around them. He shook the man’s outstretched hand, then started walking past him, trying not to think of the miles ahead. But the man turned and ambled alongside him, drawling on.
“My name is Contentment an’ I think I kin fix you up a bit. Yo’ jus’ be needin a bit o’ joy. Now I found tha’ the map ta ‘appiness is in attitude. Na madder where yar, you kin find whatever you looken fer. Jus look fer what you got.”
Seeing the confused look on Christian’s face, he paused and gestured to the burden bound to Christian’s back.
“Yo’ see dat monster of a load ye got there? It wouldn’ be nearly as burdensome if ya wanted it. Makes natural sense, yae see. If ya wanna go somewheres, you gotta move or work or suffer ta git dar, but if ya wanna stay where ya are then you’ve already ‘complished it! No need to spend any whatsoever thing.”
Understanding dawned on Christian as Contentment finished explaining his creed. It then occurred to him that the man seemed to talk with increasing desperation under his cool facade. It was as though he was trying to convince himself that he wanted what he had and he had what he wanted. Contentment continued, every word now striving to defy the monstrous fever dream surroundings that closed in on them.
“This here homely land is a perfect place for livin’. There is sunshine every which way and now I ‘ave you. Wha’ moe kin a fellar want? Notin’ I tell ye. You may as well stay ‘ere as ‘ead off in any oder direction.”
By then, Contentment was slightly out of breath and stopped to gulp down some of the boiling air. At the same time, Christian saw a fountain of sparkling, clear water ahead and shouted for joy. Contentment started then, seeing what Christian had seen. Contentment surged forward then caught himself. In a moment of consternation, he struggled with himself, his creed against reality. Then, resolved, he started back towards his horse.
“‘Ey, I got what I want. Don’t need notin’ else.”
Christian stared in disbelief at the complacency exhibited by Contentment. The man’s optimism was fatally mixed with inaction and devoid of hope. But Christian’s astonishment was nothing compared to his exuberant thrust, and he soon found himself making his way towards the fountain with renewed energy. After a short walk and a large drink of liquid life, Christian rested and considered the double-edged sword of contentment and the importance of endeavor.
Hyrum might get his mission call today! How exciting.
I’ve figured out that I can listen to my scriptures in the morning and fold laundry at the same time, getting my laundry folded. It is nice.
I am looking forward to making some home-made buns for our chicken sandwiches tonight! I am going to take the kids to the skate park and library today!! I am actually excited! I might even try to use some rollerblades while I’m there. I am toying with taking the dogs along. There is a dog park where they could run around at. They would just have to sit in crates until we got back.
Speaking of putting animals in the car, wow! Did I have an adventure last weekend!!!!
We were given a cat named Xavia shortly after we moved here. She didn’t like the rough treatment given to her by our dogs, so took off. Over a year later, we discovered she had been found by our neighbor (just about a month before that) but she wouldn’t have anything to do with us. She had kittens earlier this year and THAT is no good. I didn’t want to be responsible for a rampant wild cat population!! Yikes!!
So, I did my civic duty, signed them all up for getting fixed with a cheap clinic (that schedules out 6 months!), and prayed and prayed that we could get them. It was a miracle: two cat bites, one gone rogue and come back, and three scratches later they were all in crates or cages. When I got to the clinic Saturday morning, I found out that because they wouldn’t be handled, I needed to move the ones not in cages (three of them) into cages that the clinic blessedly provided. I got on my gloves, they locked me in the bathroom, and the fight was on. I felt like I was in the gladiator arena! At one point, I had my two hands desperately grasping an out of control wild cat while a sweet assistant tried to follow my garbled directions to open the trap so I could drop it in, literally. I was shaking like crazy when it was all done! Fortunately they had actual “feral cat gloves” that they let me use that were super thick and went all the way up to my elbow. One of the cats sunk their teeth into the gloves several times, and I felt it on my skin so sharply I thought it had punctured all the way through, but nope! Thankfully not.
I got to move them back to their crates after they were operated on and sedated, so not as bad but still! So glad that is over and I’ll never have to handle them AGAIN.
OH, another funny thing. I put together and donated a raffle basket (for the CC yard sale benefit) that was pretty expensive so I put in about $20 worth of raffle tickets (40 tickets total, easily about half of the tickets). And guess who….didn’t win??? Yup. I told them there that it would be true to my luck to not win anything and yup! I didn’t. But it was a good cause, so I wasn’t worried or upset.
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